Boys are idiots. They are truly the definition of stupidity. I'll never tell him, I'll never tell anyone, but I've loved--for lack of a better term--him ever since last summer when I saw him vulnerable. I'm a sucker, just another dictionary definition for unrequited blah, blah, blah. I'm so stupid...of course he wouldn't like me. Something I always denied myself was acknowledging my ugliness. Like it would keep me safe. Like pretending I was gorgeous would make the truth go away. Because I'm not. And I never have been.
I know everything about him. Everything. Every deep secret. Every vulnerability. Every part of him that no one else sees. Everyone makes fun of him, thinking he's invincible to the jokes that hurt.
But he's not. I'm not. No one is.
And for some stupid reason I've let the Cloud 9 feeling of having friends keep me from doing well in school, so going to college is a no. Going anywhere in life is a no.
I'd love to chalk it up to Brian's stupidity, but is it his, or is it mine? Answer: it's mine.
It always has been.
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